Shaun says:

A. One of these products removes nail polish. One of these products removes eye makeup.

B. Be careful which one you grab.

Trust him on this.

ouch.....

Pura Vida

In Spanish "pura vida" literally means "pure life" but in Costa Rica it seems to have many meanings, from "pure/good life" to "cool." We saw the words in many places, used many ways, but the only time we heard it was when we were short by a few colones to pay for some pottery and since the vendor let us take the pottery, we assumed that her saying "pura vida" meant something along the lines of "no problem." Except for the roads, everything about Costa Rica is definitely pura vida!

It is a breathtakingly beautiful country.

Lake Arenal and Arenal Volcano

and the beautiful sunset, seen from our porch:

There are beautiful birds everywhere.
(These two are from a postcard, but we actually DID see two toucans together in a tree along a road out in the country. They were too far away to get a good photo of.)

During the week were were in Costa Rica, we saw over one-hundred species of birds!

The cattle are as often in the roads as in the endless pastures. No one seems to mind and traffic, when there is any, just slowly moves ahead, giving the cattle time to get off the road.




The iguana are, well, not beautiful, but plentiful. They are everywhere!

Even on tops of buildings:

During the first part of our visit, every sighting of an iguana was cause for a stop to take photographs. By the end of the week, every sighting was ...yawn...oh, another iguana.

At Palo Verde, a national park where we saw howler monkeys and white-faced capucin monkeys, we came across herds? flocks? families of coatamundi.

I loved all of the animals. Costa Ricans still use horses for transportation, so we saw lots of horses on the roads and grazing along the roads. Oxen are still work animals. As we left Tamarindo for a day's exploring, we saw these two, ready for work.

And hours later on our way back into town, we saw them at work:

There are interesting contrasts in Costa Rica. The roads are beyond horrible. Most of them are not paved, just covered with rocks - not crushed gravel - rocks! The highest posted speed limit that we saw was 60 kph, which is equivalent to about 36 mph. It was really, really rare that we could even approach going that fast and as a result, going anywhere took much longer than we anticipated, and that limited our tourism.

The country doesn't appear to place a high value on road-building, but it does, unlike Mexico, have drinkable water. It also seems to highly value its natural assets and beauty. There are many national parks and preserves that bring lots of eco-tourists back to visit. At Lake Arenal, a man made lake that provides hydro-electric power, there are vast wind farms along mountain peaks to produce electricity. It's startling to see people travelling by horseback and on old, single-speed bicycles, and then to suddenly see miles of modern windmills.

One of my fellow travellers had been to Tamarindo, where we stayed, years ago, when the town was just a tiny fishing village. It has now been discovered by north Americans and is being developed; formerly empty beaches are being filled with condos, resorts and hotels. Costa Rica will have a fine line to trace to keep over-development from destroying the beauty everyone comes there to enjoy. I hope they can do this because........

I think it would be a shame to go there and not be able to stumble across this view:

and find a restaurant on the beach:



where the seafood is great, and the pina colada is the best EVER!!!

Friends ask me if I would like to go back, and YES! I would. I would love to have the time to go up higher into the cloud forests where there are even more birds and the chance to see the tops of volcanoes. I was told that the Arenal Volcano, which we partly ascended, still blows off steam and smoke regularly. It was obscured by the clouds the day we were there, but I would love to go back and explore the area.

So I will!

Anyone interested???

Rhonda has been exactly no help at all.

As I have mentioned in the past, I have a bit of a problem with The Real Housewives of Orange County. A problem, as in, I CAN'T STOP WATCHING! So I watch it and then I call older daughter, who CAN'T STOP WATCHING either (Sorry, H, for outing you) and we go over the OMG events of the current show.

These women are...I can't even describe them, but Really!!!??? Lynne's daughters are home when the eviction notice comes. Lynne's husband admits he never paid the $10,000 deposit. (yikes!) He didn't tell her there was a deposit in order to protect her. (huh?) She whines, cries, tells him she is leaving him, but then goes with the housewives to San Francisco for fun and while she is there, buys a $1,200 leather jacket? She's already wearing a leather jacket. C'mon. Is anyone really that dumb?

Apparently.

And so I try to not watch. And once I actually gave it up for a season....but then the re-runs showed up and I was there.

But now only the mean girls are left, so maybe it will be easier to stop this time. (Says the addict.)

(photo from Bravo official site; opinions added by knittergran)

Bobbles Hat

I have finished the Bobbles Hat to go with the Bobbles Blanket from Pipsqueak Knits. I made the blanket before Christmas, and just finished the hat in time for the new baby, Lea Elise, born on the tenth of February. She weighed nine pounds, four ounces (poor Mom) and is quite healthy and ready for action.

I'm re-washing the blanket in soak; it just didn't feel soft enough yet, and I hope this second soak in soak works!

Finished, in more ways than one!

In other words, I probably won't be making any more of these little sweaters. The knitting is easy; the putting-together is a challenge for someone as un-gifted as I in doing so. And I discovered - too late - that there is a mistake in the purple one.

Oh well. I will just assume that Ginny Weasley will be polite and say nothing. If she does notice, I'm telling older daughter to teach Ginny the concept of "design element."

Immediate Gratification

Here it is, the first of two American Girl Doll sweaters. And they are an immediate gratification project, although I don't know how gratified I am. There's a bit of a notch or something on the sleeve on the left where it is sewn into the sweater, and I'm not entirely happy with the neckband. The directions don't specify how many stitches to pick up along the neckline. They just trust the knitter to figure it out. Right...

I had a problem sewing in the sleeve on the right, and as a result, there is a little puckering, but not as much as there was before I blocked it a bit. When my mother taught me how to sew, she referred to the process of putting in a set-in sleeve as "worrying it in," and that was right. I can't really say precisely how that worked, but I think the knitting version is about the same, along with a great deal of faith in the magic of blocking.

The second sweater, which I am making in garter stitch, is already on the needles, so I hope to have both ready to mail out to Hermoine and Ginny, maybe on Saturday.

In a Fit of Temporary Insanity

I decided to knit little, bitty parts...of American Girl Doll sweaters. I hope the insanity is temporary-I'm sure I'm going to hate sewing the bitty parts together.

This all started last week when a childhood friend, whom I've known since kindergarten ( I think it's great that we're still in touch, since we've both moved well away from where we grew up-Hi Susan!) e-mailed a link to pictures of matching outfits she had sewn for her two granddaughters and their American girl dolls. They were adorable! And I thought "No way!"

But the idea kept pestering me and I gave in. So the first sweater is almost finished; I just have to pick up stitches around the neck (no fun there) after I sew the pieces together. And then, since I have two granddaughters with American Girl Dolls, I have to make the second sweater. I must cast it on very, very soon - maybe as soon as I post this - or this could turn into the doll clothing version of the dreaded Second Sock Syndrome!

And H, don't tell the girls. If I finish both sweaters, it will be a surprise (for them as well as for me, possibly).

I think this may be just too much information...

As I have mentioned before, I like to check out the engagement/wedding announcements in the Sunday New York Times. The Times now tries to be more democratic in the announcements they choose to publish; people don't have to be famous, or have a famous lineage, or be ungodly wealthy, or have an ungodly wealthy lineage to have their announcements published in the Times. And because of the goal to be more inclusive and friendly, the Times chooses announcements that sometimes include all sorts of things that wouldn't have been included in the past, things like previous marriages, how couples met and so on.

But a wedding announcement in today's paper may just have crossed the TMI line.

The bride is forty, the groom is fifty-two, and they have a seven-month old daughter. From the announcement:

Their decision to have a child as soon as they could fit perfectly with their adventurous spirit. "Our priority was to have a child, because D's biological clock was ticking," said Mr. G, who had an earlier vasectomy reversed so that he could father a child.

Well, alrighty, then.

Thanks for sharing.

Aw C'mon

Leave us alone.

Haven't they heard that fifty-five is the new....well, fifty-five, but that doesn't mean we need to be institutionalized.

Stash: It's a Good Thing

I just need to remember to check mine more than once or twice a year.

I've been desperate, DESPERATE I tell you, to find two sock yarns that I can mix together to make the Simple Yet Effective Shawl, a pattern that older daughter (the one with the smooth forehead) recommended. I've forgotten where she got it, but it's easy and it's colorful with the right yarns. I've been going through the sock yarns I have in a wicker basket and haven't been able to put two different skeins together that would work.

So I looked in my stash and found this:

It's perfect! It's two different colorways of Koigu - and I do love Koigu -and a skein of Colinette that will work well with the Koigu.

And yes, I could have just gone to the LYS and gotten something for the pattern but

a. it's gray and rainy
b. it's cold
c. I feel crummy. I think I may have gotten Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever from a wood tick I provided a couple of days of room and board to while I was in Costa Rica. Bleah......
(Does anyone know the symptoms of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever? I'm guessing they include an actual fever, which I don't have, so who knows what this is.)

Going through my stash seemed like a better idea than going out in the cold and rain, and not only did I find the yarn for the shawl, I found this:

Debby Bliss cashmerino aran

and this:

Blue Sky Worsted hand dyed. Ooooooh.....

I don't have much stash. In fact, except for sock yarn, this is pretty much all of my stash. Most knitters would scoff at my stash. But I have a problem with having things around that I don't use. My family complains about my habit of taking everything I can find to Goodwill or throwing things out, and tells me that there are drugs for my behavior, but I'm perfectly happy to be the way I am (well, until I run out of stash).

And---does anyone know how to get the date off of my photos? I somehow got it there, and I don't know how I got it there, so I don't know how to get rid of it. %^&*() camera elves.

And---really, I will post about Costa Rica, as soon as this tick-illness leaves me. It is a gorgeous country!

Note: The Simple Yet Effective Shawl pattern is a download from Ravelry for $3.50.

Am I a Great Mom or What?

"Why?" you might wonder.

Why, it's because I offered to buy my daughters their first Botox injections!

Yes, they are both thirty-something and have NO wrinkles that I've ever noticed. So why?

They both have incapacitating migraines and are on all sorts of (to me) scary drugs: to prevent the migraines; to stop the migraines once they begin; and to deaden the excruciating pain when nothing else works.

I have read about the discovery by doctors who kept hearing from their Botox patients (who were treating wrinkles) that those who had suffered from migraine pain were not suffering from it when they had had Botox injections. So more and more doctors are using it for migraines. It is not yet DEA approved, but some insurance companies cover Botox for use for migraines when the doctors apply for permission to use it as a medical necessity. So far, neither of my daughter's insurance companies has made a decision, but older daughter's neurologist told her that he would rather have her use Botox than be on all of the strong medications she currently needs to treat the migraines.

She has an appointment on Friday. My fingers are crossed that this will at least mitigate some of the problems. Botox doesn't cure migraines; so far there is no cure. But it does treat the pain portion of migraines, and that's a big deal.

But really, how many mothers offer to buy Botox for their daughters???

photo from rfp123.com

Also, I thank everyone who has left comments or sent e-mails about my cat. You have been really kind. I keep looking out the back door, expecting to see Lewis patiently waiting to be let back in.......

My Cat

I had to put my cat, Lewis, to sleep today and it was an awful experience. It was just so fast - I had been holding him and he was purring. Then the vet put him on the table and pushed in an injection of an anesthetic. Lewis tried to pull his foot away, and then toppled slowly over. He was gone. And not to sleep. Putting an animal to sleep is a dishonest euphemism.

I came home last Wednesday from Costa Rica to find that Lewis had not eaten while I was away, and wouldn't eat anything I tried to entice him with. I took him to the vet's yesterday and he had blood taken. This morning the vet told me that the blood work was perfectly normal. I took Lewis back over for x-rays, which showed large lesions in his lungs. There was also a lot of fluid in his lungs. He had lost four pounds in about a month, so whatever was going on had caused him to stop eating. The vet explained that there was no humane treatment for the lesions, and we decided to do the kind thing and put him to sleep.

Lewis showed up in our back yard in 1997 and was insistent that he live with us. Our dog had just died and we were pet-less. He was a very civilized cat and so I think he must have been lost or dropped off. We put up signs and called local vets, but no one claimed him.

I loved that cat (past all reason, according to my family) but that's the way it was; he was my cat; I was his person; and I miss him.

And There Were Monkeys!

Lots and lots of monkeys, who were not happy to see us.

And this business.

We didn't go in to check it out.

And there will be much, much more, after I get my brain sorted out, and after I finish washing the coffee out of my clothing. Yes, like all tourists to Costa Rica who love coffee, I brought back several packages in my checked luggage. I don't know HOW one of the packages ripped open, but it did and the loose coffee went everywhere!

More later. Threat or promise...you decide.

There Will Be Monkeys

That is what I am promised. I am off tomorrow for a week in Costa Rica.

For the past three years, friends and I have gone to Mexico, but this year we decided to go to CR instead. Mexico is unfortunately less and less safe for tourists, unless they stay put at a resort, and we rent houses in towns instead. So we've rented a place on the Pacific in Tamarindo, CR, and the owner of the house promises that we will see monkeys. There were some in the part of Mexico we visited last year, but we never saw them.

I just think animals belong in the wild and so I will consider the trip a great success if we see monkeys in their natural habitat. I don't want to meet them or feed them, just see them!

Second Bacall Sweater

I have finished the second Bacall sweater from Rowan Knitting & Crochet Magazine Number 44.

I made it for older daughter and it will go in the mail today. I sewed the band on as I knitted it (knit it?) and it did work out a bit better than sewing the whole thing on after finishing the band. This way it was exactly the size I needed.

But I know why I knit so many scarves and hats----no seams! I need lots of practice on finishing.

Knitting Lesson No. 213

Rule 213: Just go buy the yarn.

I did think I could make another ten rows or so with the little yarn I had left, but I studied it and looked at the gap and decided that it was unlikely. Really, really unlikely. And I realized that if I did make it, using up all the yarn I had left, I then wouldn't have the yarn I needed to sew the rest of the band and collar and the sleeves to the sweater.

So I gave up and went to the yarn shop for more yarn.

Rats!

Knitting Lesson No. 212

Do NOT return yarn to the yarn shop just because:

a. the pattern calls for four skeins
b. you mistakenly bought five skeins
c. you are starting the fourth skein and only need to knit the band
d. you happen to be at the yarn shop for knit night and have the sweater and yarn with you and you think-Oh, I may as well return this while I'm here because I won't need it.

Why not return the extra skein?

Because returning it will pretty much guarantee that this will happen:


Yes, I need just enough more yarn to knit, oh, maybe ten or so rows to close the gap in the collar portion of the band.

Thirty stitches times ten or so rows.

And all I have left is this:

Hmmmm.............

Maybe if I kind of s.t.r.e.t.c.h. the collar a bit when I sew it on.....

Yes.

I'm sure that will work. Sort of like blocking in advance.....

I'll let you know.

It might become Knitting Lesson No. 213.

mycomputerisback

mycomputerisbackmycomputerisbackmycomputerisback!!!!!

OK. I'll stop now.

But MY COMPUTER IS BACK!!!!!

It's been gone for months! weeks! eight days!

But now it's back and all the nasty viruses are gone (until I download the next one....) and it has more gigs (huh?) and has been thoroughly defragged (I didn't even know that existed, and what is a frag anyway) and updated. Yay!

I can't count the number of times I've thought: Oh, I need to write a blog about that, or that is funny/interesting/scary and not been able to post. Think of all you've missed! And you really have, because now, being 50-plus (in the sense that anything over 50 is 50-plus be quiet family) I've forgotten what I wanted to write.

But this didn't happen....

Help, Indeed...

Once again, my computer is off to the computer hospital. We (that's the royal we; I am referring to dh) tried to replace Windows Vista Home Premium (the Worst Operating System in the World) with Windows 7. We couldn't get the updates to Vista to install, and without them, Windows 7 wouldn't install. So to get rid of the Worst Operating System in the World, you need to have the Worst Operating System in the World in operating condition.

Makes no sense, does it?

So, no blogging until my computer is repaired, if that's even possible....

[photo from Google Images]

Well,

I am just altogther too smug about this hat:

Yes, I did knit it and I think it's beautiful. It's shown being blocked over a dinner plate but is almost dry. The color is a bit deeper than it appears in the photograph.

I think the real genius, however, is the designer, Desi Knitter, and those of you on Ravelry can get to the free pattern (Cabled Rangoli Hat) by clicking on the "Desi Knitter" link. The pattern is stitch perfect and I am amazed by that. I think that pattern-writing is difficult and this pattern is particulary fussy, with the cables moving around on the hat. I followed the advice of another Ravelry knitter and made the bobbles larger; they were small and not very noticeable in the original pattern. The only caution: the pattern calls for dk weight yarn, but the hat the designer and others on the site made were all knit from worsted weight, as is mine. I think it must just be a typo.

The yarn is Malabrigo, kettle-dyed worsted, 100% merino wool, and it is wonderfully soft. The designer suggested using a tightly-spun yarn so that the cables will show up well, but this Malabrigo is in spots almost just roving and it worked out fine anyway.

The hat is for younger daughter, and I think she will love it too.

It Snowed!!!

Well, not really.

Our neighbors took advantage of several days of well-below-freezing temperatures to make snow. All it takes, apparently, along with the cold weather is a compressor, a snow-making machine and a pressure washer. I don't know what order those things are set up in, but it works.

Our neighbors' kids have been having a blast sliding down the hill lying on whatever they can find that is slippery. This snow is between our house and theirs, so we've been able to watch and listen to the fun. It is a bit odd, though, when we walk down the stairs to the family room, and the snow catches our eye through the window at the bottom of the stairs. Snow? It snowed? Oh, yeah.

Now don't laugh, you northerners. To us in the Atlanta area, this IS snow!

Back From Austin

We are back from Austin, where we had a great Christmas with both daughters, son-in-law and four wonderful grandchildren. They might not be so wonderful for their parents for a few days - I did my best to spoil them. They didn't hear the word "No" from me!

I did not get my coveted turquoise Thunderbird (sniff, sniff) but younger daughter did give me this sparkly case for my I-phone. She knows well that I love all things sparkly, and potentially a bit gaudy, so this is a perfect gift. She also helped me find some glitter eye shadow, which I first saw on a waitress in Sayulita three years ago and have wanted ever since.

I thought that with this sparkly case, I would now be the envy of 12-year old girls everywhere, but then my 7-year old granddaughter stopped dead in her tracks and gazed longingly at it. She loves sparkles too. So perhaps I am the envy of 7-year olds everywhere.

What doesn't a TSA agent like to see? Long pointy things in the x-rays of luggage. I had wrapped these cool mushrooms (gift from older daughter and family, handmade by an artist in Austin) in bubble wrap to keep the stems from snapping off in transit, but they showed up in the x-ray machine. The TSA agent went through my luggage, finally saying in bewilderment, "She (the x-ray agent) says that there is something long and pointy in here."

At which point, my brain clicked on and I said, "Oh! Those are my mushrooms!"

Huh?

So we had to take them out and x-ray them separately.

I apologized for the mushrooms; he apologized for the delay, and all was well in the Austin Airport once again.

This is a gift from DH, but found by younger daughter at a crafts fair in Los Angeles. A mother/daughter team uses old knitted sweaters, felts them, and uses the felt to make pillows and designs. I love this pillow and have a favorite bird, the third from the top, right in the center of the pillow. He looks particularly cheerful to me.

While I was in Austin and not feeding sugary treats to grandchildren, I worked on the Yarn Harlot's one-row pattern scarf and finished it up last night. It's made from Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sport, colorway - Franklin's Panopticon. I made it on size 8 needles, and it's a bit lacy, but I'm leaving it as is. Otherwise I would have to take it all out, use smaller needles, increase the number of stitches, and use much more yarn. I'm too lazy for all of that.

So today is New Year's Eve Day. DH came home from Austin sick with some sort of head/chest thing and sounds as if he is at death's door. I have a pot roast in the crock pot and some splits of champagne in the refrigerator. AND, just too exciting for words - the plumber just left after installing a new water heater. The old one had a leak, which fortunately didn't blow all out while we were gone.

Woo hoo.

I hope your New Year's Eve is more exciting than mine and wish you a

Happy New Year!

Just a Jumble of Thoughts

Because that's all I'm capable of today.

I started off the day by opening my computer to check e-mailed photos a friend had sent me of the snow around her home in West Virginia. I saw the photos, and then Windows Vista Home Premium (the world's WORST operating system) took over, telling me that it was installing a major update, the first one there has been since I bought the computer.

(Yay, thought I. Maybe now the computer will actually WORK! And be FAST! And not FREEZE!)

So it installed, and installed, and installed. It installed for about two hours and then shut itself down.

Great, thought I. Now I get my computer back. I can download the knitting pattern I need; I can download the shortbread recipe I need; I can check blogs; I can look at Ravelry; I can...................................................................................................................................................................


do none of those things because this is what the screen said:

So even the updates for the world's WORST operating system don't work.

Of course they don't.

So then Windows Vista Home Premium (the world's WORST operating system) spent another hour or so "reverting" back to the original crummy and s.l.o.w. system it has always been.

Yippee.


Now on to something completely different:

I have been trying out yarns for the Yarn Harlot's One Row Scarf. I can't find the link to that specific post, but the pattern was free on her blog, so I will print it here:

Cast 26 stitches onto size 8 needles.
Row 1: *knit 2, knit into the back of the next stitch, purl 1.
Repeat from * till there are 2 stitches left. Knit 2.

Just keep doing that row until the scarf is as long as you want it, or until you start hating the project, then cast off.

This is what it looks like in Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sport, colorway - Franklin's Panopticon:

I like it! And it's certainly easy enough for me to do on a jumbled-up day.

My first try was with some Noro Blossom yarn I bought a couple of years ago at an LYS sale:

The colors and textures of the yarn are so varied that the stitch pattern didn't show up at all. I have yet to figure out what to do with this yarn, so it's going back to time-out for now.

And now for something completely different, again:

I usually scan through the Sunday New York Times engagement/wedding announcements because they are, well, unusual. People submit their own stories and information, and then hope, pray, dance, do spells and whatever else they can think of to get their announcement published in the Times.

This leads to some weird/interesting announcements. When we first met in 1998, we didn't like each other at all, says the groom, but later, after meeting again at......., we fell in love.

That sort of thing, but with lots more detail.

The announcement that caught my eye today was for the wedding of .................., the groom, age 61, and .............., the bride, age 56. After all the usual stuff - parents (deceased), schools (long ago so who really cares), jobs (nice) - the last paragraph simply stated:

The bride's first marriage ended in divorce, as did the groom's first two marriages.

And that's all she wrote.

I just think that's an odd thing to put in a wedding announcement.

And that's all I wrote.

I Agree!

with this.

Is six more weeks too much to ask for, really?

Darn It!

But I don't know how!

Lately

I'm a knitting machine! (But it does help to only work on smallish projects...) This is my latest finished project, a Basic Tam for younger daughter:

It's being blocked over a kitchen plate - a clever idea I learned from Jane at last week's knit-night.

This is the second hat I've made from the pattern in this book:

The first one was made from a Noro yarn, and I think I like this one better. The solid color shows off the stitch patterns and the decrease swirl. I used ella rae Kamelsoft yarn (75% Merino wool and 25% Camel) and it's very nice to work with.

The pattern includes optional flowers, but I'll wait till Yd tries it on at Christmas to see if she thinks it needs the flowers. Knit-night knitters suggested a large button, or clusters of smaller buttons, or a pin of some sort, so we'll see.

Bobbles!

I have just finished the Bobbles blanket from the pipsqueak knits book and I'm quite happy with it, and happy that I have no more bobbles to knit until I take up making the hat after Christmas. The baby is not due until February, so I have time. Mine is a very pale yellow; I do like the blue on the cover better, but like so many parents today, this couple has chosen not to find out the sex of the baby ahead of time. These young people apparently do not know that they frustrate grandparents everywhere, grandparents who would love to knit, sew, or shop well in advance of baby's arrival!

This is the book the pattern is in. Isn't the blanket and hat set cute?

And what a cute and cooperative model!

Stupid Should Hurt

says my friend, Kathy, and usually I agree with her, but not today and not me.

Dh has been nagging reminding me that I've been driving around since September with an expired driver's license. Just a few months, but who's counting?

So off I went to the Georgia Drivers Services Department, about twenty miles away, to get my new license. Dh had also told me that there was someone new in charge of Drivers' Services, and that he had made changes so that no one would wait more than ten minutes in line. HAH!!! I arrived, found a LINE that ran outside the office onto the sidewalk in the cold. As we stood in line, we all entertained ourselves by complaining about the line.

Now here's where stupid comes in. Had I ever actually looked at my license to verify that it was, in fact, expired? Nope. Dh is generally so OCD concerned about these things that I took him at his word.

When I fished my license out of the mess that is my purse, I looked at the date. It expires, as you can see, in September of 2010.

As I muttered about how my license hadn't actually expired and then walked away, I heard laughing from my fellow drivers. It was justified; I had earned it. And I realized that not-so-deep down, they were jealous. I got to leave. They had to stay.

But no pain, please; I've suffered enough.